Mostly Naked Harper
by Melissa2
Summary: An act of defiance leads to an embarrassing situation for Harper


Title: Mostly Naked Harper   
Author: Melissa, aka ILH  
Why I Wrote This: Because Rov is mean and told me that there was shirtless Harper on the season 2 promo, made me go through a bunch of crap in hopes of seeing it. Then, he told me he lied!!! Grrrrr! Not to mention, he told me to title this fic "A glimpse of hell" because it has Harper in his boxers.  
Rating: PGish  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Andromeda's characters and the like belong to Tribune, not me.  
  
  
  
  
Harper grinned as he watched every piece of formal wear he owned floating in space. "Rom-doll, I finally win. There's going to be no more dressing up for this engineer!"  
  
After watching the clothing drifting aimlessly for several triumphant minutes, he headed back to his quarters to celebrate. He opened his closet door and his grin widened. "I could fit a ton of projects in here now! Hey, all I've gotta do is make some shelves and put them here and there."  
  
"You'll be doing no such thing, Harper," Rommie said as her avatar entered his quarters. "You haven't cleaned your quarters since you came on board."  
  
"Yeah, well, they're my quarters," Harper argued.  
  
"I'm not here about your quarters, though. The Pyrolien ambassadors will arrive tomorrow for a formal ceremony, and you will dress for the occassion."  
  
"I'm sorry, Rommie, but I don't have anything to wear." Harper hid the grin that was quickly spreading across his face while he gestured as his closet.  
  
"I'm well aware of the fact you ejected your clothing out the airlock." She paused, letting him feel victorious for a moment. "However, we do have fabric in storage, and I think it will do nicely for a new suit."  
  
"I hate to break it to you Rommie, but I don't think anyone on board knows how to sew..."  
  
"Actually, Harper, there is someone on board that knows how to sew very well."  
  
*****  
  
"Tyr?!?" Harper asked as he stepped into Rommie's quarters.  
  
"Sewing is definitely a useful skill, not only for clothing, but also for medicine," Tyr said.  
  
"So, why don't you just make me the suit and leave me out of it all together?" Harper asked warily.  
  
"Seeing as I have no idea what your measurements are, that would be unwise," Tyr explained.  
  
Harper's eyes widened. "Uhhhhhh measurements?"   
  
Tyr narrowed his eyes at Harper. "Did you think the clothing naturally fits itself to your body, boy?"  
  
"I don't know. So, what do you have to do for this measuring?"  
  
Rommie walked in with a basket of cloth and whatnot. She placed it on the small table near Tyr and seated herself in the chair near the door.  
  
"What are you doing here, Rommie? I thought this was a one person job..." Harper said.  
  
"I'm just here to make sure you actually go through with this," Rommie replied.  
  
Harper pretended to be hurt. "Hey, you can trust me!"  
  
"Take off your shirt and pants," Tyr said.  
  
"Huh?" Harper seemed shocked.  
  
"I can't measure you in those baggy clothes! Now, do as I say!"   
  
"Okay, can do. It's no problem at all," Harper said nervously. He slowly started to unbutton his blue Hawaiian shirt.  
  
"You are trying my patience," Tyr warned.  
  
Harper quickly threw off the shirt, his undershirt and the pants. "There!"  
  
Tyr pulled out a long, flexible tape measure. "Stretch your arms out straight."  
  
Harper did as he was told, staring at Rommie the entire time, as if he was pleading for this punishment to end. "So, uhhhhhhhh, how are your sensors, Rommie?"  
  
"Don't talk," Tyr commanded.  
  
Harper shut his mouth, allowing the Nietzchean to continue his measurements.  
  
"My sensors are operating at normal efficiency," Rommie replied, standing up and taking Harper's clothing from the heap it was in on the floor. She exited her quarters with the clothing.  
  
"Rommie, where are you going?!?" Harper asked and started moving.  
  
Tyr grabbed him by the shoulders. "I won't tell you again. Don't move!"  
  
Harper stood still again, wondering where Rommie had gone with his clothing. 'I don't want to walk the corridors of Andromeda like this!' Harper thought.  
  
"I'm done. You may leave," Tyr said.  
  
"But Rommie has my clothes!" Harper whined.  
  
"Go find her and get them back, then! What you do now doesn't concern me." Tyr seemed very annoyed.  
  
Harper exited Rommie's quarters cautiously and sprinted towards his. He arrived in a matter of less than a minute to find he had been locked out by Rommie. "Damn!"  
  
He crept around the corridors calling her, hoping he wouldn't encounter anyone else. She refused to respond. He had managed to avoid all contact with everyone else until he turned a corner and bumped right into Beka.  
  
"Harper!" Beka said, noticing his lack of most of his clothing. "You're...uhhhhh...."  
  
"Making a new fashion statement?" Harper asked.  
  
"That's one way of putting it. Would you mind putting some clothes on, though, for the rest of us?" she asked.  
  
"I would if I could, Boss. Trust me on that," Harper said and headed off towards the end of the corridor.  
  
Harper continued down the corridor and bumped into Dylan. "Ummmmmm...this isn't my fault, really it isn't!"  
  
"Whose fault is it then?" Dylan asked.  
  
"Well, see I kinda upset Rommie. And now she's mad at me, and she took my clothes."  
  
Dylan looked at Harper incredulously.  
  
"I swear it's the truth! But I think I'll be going now. Y'know I've got things to do." Harper ran off, turning the corner to avoid being seen by Dylan again.  
  
At this point, Harper really hoped everyone else had chosen to stay in their quarters. Already four of them had seen him in his boxers. He purposely stayed as far as he could from Hydroponics, Command Deck, and Rev's and Trance's quarters.  
  
"Why aren't you wearing your clothes, Harper?" Trance's voice asked from behind him.  
  
"It's a long story, Trance. But I'll tell you the whole thing once I find them again. Say, have you seen Rommie around here anywhere?" Harper asked.  
  
"No. Sorry, Harper. Why don't you just go to your quarters and change into some new clothes?" Trance asked.  
  
"Well, see, I can't. Because Rommie locked me out. But that's all part of the story I'll tell you later. I should really be going now," Harper insisted.  
  
"One more question...please?" Trance begged.  
  
"Go ahead. Ask away. But make it quick."  
  
"It says 'Do You Wanna See My Nanowelder' on the back of your boxers," Trance began.  
  
"What about it?" Harper asked.  
  
"Well, everyone can see it when you're working in Engineering so why does it ask that?" Trance asked innocently.  
  
Harper sighed. "I'll explain that later, too. Just let me find my clothes first, okay?"  
  
Trance smiled and went on her way in the opposite direction.   
  
"I want my clothes back now, Rommie! I've suffered more than enough!" Harper said, staring at the corridor around him.  
  
"Go to Obs Deck," Rommie's voice said.  
  
"Alrighty then. Now, we're getting somewhere."  
  
Harper hurried to the Observation Deck. He looked on the table and on the chairs for his clothes, but found them nowhere. "Rommie, where are my clothes?"  
  
Her avatar entered the room and pointed at the large glass window. Sure enough, his clothes were floating around outside the window.  
  
"ROMMIE! Those were my favorite pants! How could you?!?" Harper whined.  
  
She shrugged and handed him some of his usual clothing from behind her back. "You can wear this until it's time to try on your new suit."  
  
"Thanks, Rom-doll," he said sarcastically. "I really appreciate it." 


End file.
